In this week’s episode, Sydnee Faulkner shares her journey from rural Alaska to thriving in fitness, fashion, and medical sales, highlighting the importance of actions over words. Marcus and Sydnee discuss topics such as embracing one’s duality, self-love, handling high-pressure situations with grace, the significance of rest and self-care, and the challenges of breaking free from societal expectations. Sydnee also delves into her personal battles with self-image and how overcoming adversity has shaped her mission to inspire and lead others.
Episode Highlights:
04:52 Balancing Ambition and Self-Care
10:11 Embracing Authenticity and Overcoming Adversity
23:15 Struggles with Self-Image and Eating Disorders
24:26 Journey to Self-Love and Body Positivity
25:59 Balancing Health and Fitness Goals
26:46 Lessons from Competing and Coaching
Sydnee Falkner is dedicated to empowering women to embrace self-love and achieve healthy lifestyles. Her own journey of transformation—both physical and mental—has shaped her passion for helping others. Struggling with body image and self-worth growing up, Sydnee found strength through weight training, nourishing her body, and working with coaches. This process helped her cultivate a strong sense of self and a clear vision for her future. Now, Sydnee’s mission is to guide women, whether they’re just starting or already on their journey, to fall in love with themselves and become the confident, strong individuals they’ve always dreamed of being.
Learn more about Sydnee and her services here: https://www.sydliana.com/
Episode Transcript:
00:32
Now, here’s your host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson. Acta Non Verba is a Latin phrase that means actions, not words. If you want to know what somebody truly believes, don’t listen to their words instead observe their actions. I’m Marcus Aurelius Anderson and my guest today truly embodies that phrase. Sydnee Faulkner is a force to be reckoned with in the wellness and empowerment arenas.
01:02
She rose from rural Alaska to thrive in fitness, fashion, and medical sales. Once introverted, she now leads a movement proving women can be strong and soft. From Runways to Netflix’s Million Dollar Secret, inspires others to own their own power without apology. Sydnee, you are so busy and you’re blowing up all over the place. Thank you for taking the time to be here today. Marcus, I am so thrilled. I cannot wait to have this conversation. Yeah, we’ve, I should have just hit record at the beginning. There was gold in that already.
01:30
but this is be a great conversation. And when I reached out to you, I was saying that when I saw you, the way you conducted yourself on screen, there was a lot of poise, there was a lot of grace under pressure, and people often see that as a person who’s hard or a person who is not compassionate or a person that’s like this on a baton that they put on a pedestal. Tell us what that feels like. You know, it’s funny because I’ve grown up hearing the word intimidating. And…
01:58
I’ve never thought of myself that way because I’m just me. And you know, I always make a joke. It’s just my face. I’m a really nice person. And we are so often, we say don’t do it, but we judge a book by its cover, right? And I am definitely more serious. I am more introverted. My mom will tell you that I’m an old soul. But I do believe in handling high pressure situations with grace and class.
02:25
and poise and elegance. And I think that that really demonstrates who you are. And for me, how I was brought up, which I’m so grateful to my parents for instilling that but being able to handle really high stress situations and being a team player and not completely losing it or you falling apart. That’s where real strength shows. agree. And we were talking earlier that growing up in Alaska, you love to read
02:54
Do you remember the first book that you read that just completely enthralled you where you couldn’t put it down? You know, okay, this is going to sound so cheesy, actually. I read the first four Harry Potter books in like a day, a day and a half. Yeah. Because, I’m a speed reader and I have not exact photographic memory, but I can tell you everything. My mom would be like, how are you done with that already? And that’s just what I like to do. I used to get in trouble.
03:22
I would take my entire lamp, because it’d be bedtime, and I’d put it underneath my covers, and I’d sit there with my book, and I’d hear my door open, and I’d be like, they can’t see the light. I’m okay. Nope, I got caught every single time. Wow. But at least it was for reading. Yeah. You know what I mean? I’m still a bookworm right now. No doubt about it. The Mountain is You, one of my favorite books for turning self-sabotage into self-mastery. Former self-sabotager. Atomic Habits.
03:52
Every sales team will have you read that. it’s a great book anyway. It’s talking about how success is and about motivation. It’s about building the systems to who you are and what you stand for. One of the principles I love to live by is the golden circle. It’s your why, not your what. People will buy your why and you need to have a good one for yourself that you believe in because nobody else is going to believe in it if you just give the gimmick. Well, and also if you allow other people to tell you,
04:22
What the why is, your life is the result of your decisions. And if you don’t decide, somebody else will decide for you. And very few times does it have your best interest at heart. And that’s the hard thing too, right? And I’m not saying it’s not necessarily malicious, but we do have our own self-interest at heart. We kind of showed it on the show, right? You have 12 strangers, one person gets a million dollars at the end of this. That’s kind of how it works. And so, yes, there’s time to collaborate and be a team player.
04:48
but you can’t lose sight of why you’re wanting to do something. I always say, I’ve been in med sales now since about 2018, I’m the worst sales rep if I don’t believe in the product. If I do not believe in what I am selling and why you should have it and how it’s going to help you more importantly, your patients and their healthcare, I’m not going to be effective because I don’t have the passion for it. And I’m so grateful to have worked for such amazing companies in healthcare that I am.
05:17
Passion about and like you said that comes across and also with sales that way you don’t feel like you’re selling you feel like you’re helping Yes, you you want to be solution-based. You don’t want to tell someone what they need You want to help them see why they need it? Yeah, you’re explaining to them how you’re solving that problem for them. Exactly when you were younger What was one thing that you thought that you got right even before you realized it at a young age? Oh Being alone isn’t a bad thing So I was a very introverted child
05:47
And I wanted so badly to be accepted by my classmates, by my teammates. And there was just some type of disconnect and I never understood it. And so I kind of for a while grew up thinking that I wasn’t good enough or I was maybe less than, or there was something wrong with me.
06:09
And as I’ve gotten older, being able to be on your own and in your own solitude and be happy and comfortable with that and really discover who you are without outside forces kind of dictating that. I’m so grateful. But at the time, you know, you’re a little kid and you’re devastated by it. Yeah. It feels like you’re doing something wrong. Yeah. And now I’m like, I enjoy my own company. Like I said, give me a book.
06:36
Take me to changing hands out here or Barnes and Noble or give me a good book for a day, you won’t see me. And I used to never want to say no to anything, right? I got invited to this party or I got invited to go out to dinner here and it was yes, yes, yes, I was a yes girl, which is fine until you start to lose who you are. And it becomes about pleasing everyone else and you burn yourself out because you’re not taking time to regenerate. I love.
07:04
my time to recalibrate and fill my own cup. You can never fill anyone else’s cup if yours is constantly on empty. Yeah. And I think that’s why the coaching that you’re doing with a lot of these leaders, these founders, these co-founders, like you said, the boss babes where they feel that they have to do with this and the idea of the cup, right? If I’m constantly trying to pour from an empty vessel, there’s nothing left for me. But also what happens if I put the tea in here and I let the tea set, it steeps.
07:33
and now it’s more concentrated. So the more that you’re able to pour into yourself and you have a more concentrated version of Sydney, the less you have to give to other people. And now you’re still able to continue to grow, evolve, help people, and not feel burned out in the process. And that’s what it’s about, right? Like you were saying a little bit earlier, I work primarily with women. We have the boss babe era, the go-getter, I don’t need no man, independent, and I’m all for that.
08:01
But I also want to have a soft life, easy life, luxurious life where you’re not burning the candle at both ends. And as these incredible women are working hard and they’re breaking down walls and they’re in these male dominated fields now and they’re taking over, you are burning out and losing yourself a lot of the time. You’re neglecting your health. You’re neglecting your nutrition. It’s something as easy as one thing I would like to know. I’ll be like, relax your jaw. Take three deep breaths.
08:31
because everybody were tight all the time, right? Relax your jaw. Take three deep breaths, drink some water and let yourself recalibrate for that second. And that’s one thing, you know, because I’ll do that. My shoulders start going up. I start getting tense. I’ve got to do this, this and this. You know what? You can take a second to breathe. And so that’s why I focus on working with these high energy, high-performing women because we don’t want you to burn out. We need you.
08:55
to continue to do what you’re doing and share your knowledge and to continue to expand and be a role model, but you can’t do that if you’re burned out. And that’s how I help. And that’s the thing that I think that more people need to know. It’s not a sign of weakness. It’s saying, listen, I understand that this is not scalable or sustainable. And the people that I coach, it’s the same thing where you have a person who has sacrificed so much for this thing, but yet they actually want to have these other things you’re describing. And in the meantime, they’ve allowed other things to fall by the wayside.
09:24
this becomes a bad habit because now I start sacrificing more to make it worthy to sacrifice when it may not be what I need in the first place. And I’ve done that too, right? I’m so busy. I’m grinding. I’m grinding. I’m grinding. I’m not going to the gym for 45 minutes of me time. I’m burning out. I’m getting cranky. I’m getting irritable. I’m tense all the time.
09:46
Go to the gym, go walk out. My hot girl walks, I’m all about hot girl walks. Go get some sunshine, get some vitamin D, put your feet in the grass for a second. I started building it into my calendar because I live and die by my schedule. Create an appointment with yourself because that matters. And when you run yourself down and you’re sick, you can’t do what you need to do anyway. Yeah. And so in the space that you’re in,
10:13
What do you feel is the worst piece of advice that you hear people continually repeating that sounds cool, but you and I know is completely false? Just be humble. Now, for women especially, Humility is a great trait. But to be constantly told, just be humble, it’s often code for, don’t shine too brightly. Make yourself a little bit smaller. You’re making other people uncomfortable. So I believe in being grounded and grateful, but also owning your brilliance.
10:42
Sprinking doesn’t make you more lovable, it makes you forgettable. Wow, I love that. So on that note, how would you give somebody steps? Like what would be the first steps that you would give them to start stepping out, to start shining more brightly and not to feel this false humility that you’re talking about? You have to do a little bit of inner work with this, right? You have to figure out who told me I needed to be smaller to be acceptable. That can be a magazine, it can be social media, it can be…
11:11
Accidentally apparent, you know what I mean? Be more quiet. You’re making too much noise. You’re doing too much. It doesn’t have to be malicious, but something somewhere told you, I need to be smaller to fit in. Number two, surround yourself with people who want to see you actually shine. Not people who are writing your coattails, not people who are secretly jealous waiting for you to downfall, not people who are talking about your back. Find those authentic people.
11:40
There might only be one or two of them. That’s really all you need. You don’t need a large crowd. You need one or two strong supporters for that. You want people who celebrate your shine, not just tolerate it. That’s a big one. Don’t be around people who just kind of tolerate you or want to make you more digestible. And then you have to practice, right? Confidence is like a muscle. So the more you’re flexing it, the more you’re practicing it. Everybody gets imposter syndrome at some point. Wear the outfit.
12:09
Say the bold thing, post the video. Why not you? There’s no reason it can’t be you doing and pursuing what you love if someone else is doing it. And I had to learn that, right? That’s my mantra for 2025. Why not me? Yeah. If it’s not you, it’s going to be somebody else, right? If it’s not me, it’s someone else. And if I’m not going to take steps and people will play a victim, oh, I couldn’t do because of this. I couldn’t do it because of this. There is one million excuses and there might only be one reason why.
12:38
But if that reason is your why you want to do it, it makes me feel good. I want to help other people. It’s something I’m passionate about. What’s the worst that can happen? For me, the worst thing that happens, I lose everything, right? I go home and live with my parents for three months because my dad said anything longer than three months, he’s going to walk around the house naked and tell me and my brother leave. You get three months at home. That’s it. No questions asked. Last day, you’re out basically. I go home.
13:06
And I get family support and I reset and I restart and I find something new. And I want to recognize not everybody has that ability, right? But we do have the ability to surround yourself again with those core people, a coach that wants to see you succeed and will help you make those steps. So then the worst case scenario isn’t so worst case. Lots of times if we ask ourselves, how hard would it be for me to get back to here? You already here, you already have the know if you don’t step out.
13:36
Yeah. So the worst thing that happens if you stay here. And especially with women, right? We, we place ourselves in boxes and we allow other people to place ourselves in boxes. And I’m all about duality. You can be strong and pretty. You can be kind and dangerous. You can be a bad ass and you can be soft and feminine. There is no right or wrong answer or one thing that you have to do to make other people comfortable. If you, I went through when I was little,
14:06
I would parade up and down the sidewalk in these big, poofy dresses. I refused to wear pants for like a year, basically. And I’m talking really poofy dresses. My grandma used to get me like the old school ones. Then in high school, I went through a phase where I wouldn’t wear anything but an oversized hoodie and baggy sweats for my entire senior year, right? That doesn’t mean you’re this or you’re that. You can mix and blend and do all the things and…
14:34
I know I’m focusing a lot on women because that’s my specialty and what I’m really passionate about, but it’s guys too. You know what I mean? Mental health for men really matters. It doesn’t make you less to be emotional, to be soft, to not always have the big macho persona. We want connection. We’re about connection as humans. And part of that is getting in touch with your emotions. Yeah. And how can we, if we’re not in touch with our emotions, we can’t be honest with ourselves.
15:04
And if I can’t be honest with me, then how the hell am I supposed to be honest with somebody else? Or how are they supposed to feel that authenticity? And you know what’s so funny is we lie to ourselves so much. Even simple excuses, right? I’m too busy to go to the gym. No, you’re being lazy that day. That’s okay. Take the rest day. Reframe your mind. Instead of, being lazy, I’m going to take a day to rest. But when it starts becoming a pattern over and over and over, that’s when you’re going to start making excuses.
15:32
and lying to yourself and kind of playing the victim with it. There’s always a reason not to do something. I guarantee it. And some days you don’t need to. Sometimes you don’t have to go to the gym seven days a week. You don’t have to spit out 20 pieces of social media content in two weeks. You know what I mean? You can take that break for yourself because you will burn out otherwise. But don’t lie to yourself and play a victim either. Yeah. I call them rational lies because we rationalize what we’re trying to do to get away. like that.
16:01
And that’s the truth. And you could have, like you said, a list of them. And here’s the other part. We’re talking about leaders, talking about people that you help, boss babes, founders, co-founders. Lots of times those people will come to us and they’ll say, Sydney, how do I keep pushing? And sometimes the question should be, ask yourself, am I doing it for the right reasons? helps them frame because if they are doing it for the right reasons, they can usually find that next level to click up and then get themself the space to recover later. But if it’s for an artificial metric,
16:29
or an extra comma on their bank account or a KPI on the sales sheet, they’ll realize I’m not doing it for the right reasons in the first place. And that makes them stop and breathe and look. I like to ask them, what if your next step is rest? And I see some people, yes, I can’t do that. Why? What if your next step that you have to do for yourself and your business and your employees is you have to find a way 30 minutes, 15 minutes.
16:59
a day to rest. I’m not talking listening to a podcast. I’m not talking doing something to still stay productive, to still stay busy. I am talking 15 minutes, you put your phone down, you shut your computer. You are just with yourself because another thing I’ve noticed and this was me in particular for a while as I was so disconnected from my body. I went to the gym. I lifted the weights. I walked on the treadmill.
17:27
I was so disconnected from my body and my breathing and the things that are important to kind of settle into. We’re overstimulated. All day. Constantly. Yes. We never get a break. And when you are a boss, babe, and you are working, working, working, you’re living and dying by your phone, you have to have that time, 15 minutes, rest. usually I can, once I ask them that question, I can kind of see which direction we’re going to go.
17:56
from there, because if some of them are like, perfect, okay, I’ll build that into my schedule. Great, do that, and then we’re gonna move on to this step instead. When they start to fight back on me, I’m like, no, no, no, no, no. This is gonna be the homework then. Absolutely, and what happens? The body eventually is going to take a rest, whether you want it to or not, and so why not get in front of it? Why not be proactive? Why not give yourself a little bit of that space? And just like you’re saying, I’ll talk to people, and as you were saying, when people are driving to work or coming back,
18:24
They listen to a podcast, music, doing different stuff. There’s never that time for their mind to really unwind for them to breathe, for them to relax. And that’s when, again, we see, we hear people say, oh, I was in the kitchen and I just had this epiphany or I was getting out of the shower and I had this breakthrough. Yep. These these isolated moments. So imagine what would happen if you would give yourself the intention for 15 minutes a day to do that, maybe twice a day. Right. Intention. That is such a key.
18:54
is you can do something on autopilot. I’ll be the first to confess, sometimes I don’t know how I got where I was driving because I’ve done it so many times that I was like, huh, whoops. I wasn’t paying attention necessarily. There wasn’t the intention behind it. And once you compare intention with action and you’re not on autopilot, big things happen. Yeah, when you pay attention to your intention, it’s a force multiplier. does everything.
19:22
There’s a million questions I want to ask you and we were talking about a lot of them, but I want to be respectful of your time as well. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever gotten? Ooh, the best compliment I’ve ever gotten. So it’s kind of recently and I would say it’s kind of on theme and I’m really grateful to the show for that. A lot of women have been messaging me. Thank you for allowing me to shine. Thank you for showing.
19:48
that women can be strong and smart and competitive. Thank you for not playing small. My daughter watched you and she wants to be just like you. You inspired her. These, you know, they’re all along the same line. And it’s so honoring to hear that women are connecting in that way, because I truly do believe if you shine your light, you will allow others to do the same.
20:18
And then we light things up and it’s fantastic. Cause you’re leading by example at that point. Yeah. It’s been, that’s one of the best compliments I’ve gotten is kind of thank you for being you, right? Thank you for giving me permission to be me. Yeah. And that’s because you had the courage to be you in the first place. Yeah. It’s, it’s wild. And it’s interesting, right? Because if we listen to everybody else and listen to everything else, they’ll tell us it’s the diametrically opposed idea of that.
20:46
We get to a point where we eventually, for some reason, like you said, either life punches us in the face, but it makes us stop and take a look. And then we realize, huh, that stuff’s not that important anyway. What is important to me? You know what’s crazy is my very first like big girl job, my big girl sales job, I ended up leaving that company and it was the most terrifying thing that I had done because I am loyal to a fault. You know, I’ve done so much and they’ve done so much and I’ve been here and
21:14
I hate to say it I have nothing but gratefulness for that company. I’m still in touch with a lot of them, my managers. You really are a number on a lot of things. A lot of companies will not hesitate to replace you if the bottom line needs it. And it’s not personal. It’s truly business. But that’s why you have to live your life intentionally because it is personal. Your life is personal to you and you need to be intentional with it. Yeah.
21:44
I don’t know if you know my story at 40 when I joined the white infantry, paralyzed for four months, told I’d never walk. So again, that makes you stop and look, that makes you really see it’s like, look at all this bullshit that I was chasing that wasn’t important in the first place. And then when you get a second chance, it’s incredible, but there’s still that tendency to kind of go back to the way you were before that old identity. So I love that you’re talking about this stepping out.
22:10
becoming this person that you want to become because you have to know who you are in the first place to get to that place. And it’s flexing that muscle, right? I think you can get caught up. You have to know yourself. You have to go into, okay, I can blame my parents. I can blame bullies. I can blame this. I can blame this. All these things may have happened to you and I’m so sorry for that, but it is also your responsibility, whether it’s through therapy, books, journaling, a combination, coaching to get past that, to
22:39
Be who you want and need to be. So you have that responsibility right then and there. And in that vein, I’ve never met a person that’s been a high achiever that has not gone through adversity in their life. As a matter of fact, there’s usually a correlation between how much we go through process and then we can actually leverage it to our advantage. Can you tell us about a time in your life, some sort of adversity that you faced that when you were there, you were like, I don’t think I’m to be able to get through this. I don’t know how I’m going be able to do it. But once you’re on the other side, you were like.
23:07
I’m so grateful that happened because that forced you to level up and become more in tune with who Sydney is. I’m going to get a little bit deep and a little bit personal with this one. And it’s something I actually haven’t talked about on any other podcast. So I struggled a lot with self image and self love and self esteem. And if I could change this or if I could change that. So I actually had an eating disorder growing up.
23:33
Um, I wanted so bad that even living in my tiny 500 person town in Alaska, I wanted to be on the runway. I loved America’s Next Top Model and Project Runway. And I remember there was a story and it’s such a silly story. Nobody else probably remembers this, but it stuck with me, right? I have scars across my stomach from a life-saving surgery when I was an infant. And I was sitting down with, I was in like fifth or sixth grade. I was sitting down with friends.
24:01
and we’re all just hanging out, no big deal. And one of them goes, you have rolls. Because I have that crease from my scar. And something in that, and I was a skinny kid, I was an athlete, you know, all that stuff. It was nothing, but I couldn’t really comprehend that. And so that’s kind of triggered my eating disorder that I started. And that is another reason why I work exclusively with women who even have history of eating disorders.
24:26
work on that self-love and your body image and your perception of yourself. And so that kind of carried with me on and off through middle school, through high school, a little bit into college. When I moved down to Phoenix, I was like, I want to get on the runway. I need to be, you know, five, nine, five, 10, 115 pounds. Bone structurally, I will never be a size zero. My programming, my training and coaching is not about being the skinniest version of yourself. It is about being the healthiest version of yourself.
24:57
And if I kind of hadn’t gone through that process when I was younger, I don’t know if I would have gotten as involved with self-love and accepting myself and more importantly, my body and all its different phases. Because when you really think about it, our bodies are amazing machines. The function that they do without us having to think, okay, now I need to take a breath. Okay, now I need to digest this. Okay, I need to, da da da da, you know, now I need to send white blood cells here. I got to cut here. Like, how are we gonna, it’s just automatic.
25:26
and learning to be grateful for it, you know what? Okay, I’m not a size zero. I can walk today, I woke up and I could get out of bed on my own. I’m able to do these things and move my body and be grateful for it. And in turn, what that does is I think as you start to have gratitude for your body, it makes you wanna eat well. It makes you wanna work out. It makes you wanna do mobility. It makes you wanna take care of it because I hate say it.
25:55
this is the one that you get. You get one. And I’ve kind of seen that with, you know, I’m in the bodybuilding industry out here in Phoenix and I see my friends go through these injuries or I see these guys that are just putting on weight and weight and weight and weight and they’re not doing the necessary things that they need to take care of themselves still. And it’s not all about the appearance. It’s about functionality as well. know? Yeah, it’s everything.
26:23
And I think that’s a testament to you going through that and then still being able to compete as a figure athlete and being around all these things and being able to have that duality, being able to say, I’m trying to get to this condition, but I’m also not going to sacrifice my health in the process of doing that. I’m also going to understand that there’s going to be a certain standard that they’re expecting from me, but this is as far as I’m going to go on that. That’s huge. Yeah. And so I think I competed bikini in like 2014 and then again in 20…
26:51
I did a seven week prep, was like crazy and unheard of. But my coach, I was so grateful for her because I do not coach bikini athletes. I do not coach MPC bodybuilder athletes. That’s out of my expertise. But I have great referrals if anybody’s ever interested in that. It does take such a level of discipline and awareness that the 2014 version of me doing 90 minutes of cardio a day on less than a thousand calories.
27:20
to the 2023 version where I did 30 minutes of cardio and I was eating like at least 1800 calories, something like that, right? And now I eat probably close to 3000. I’m a foodie. If there’s one thing I’m gonna do, I’m gonna eat. I’m gonna eat all the things. Food is my love language. If there’s snacks, I’m in. If there’s a dog, I’m in. If it’s alcohol, I’m sorry. I’m probably gonna pass on it. If I’m being honest, it’s just not really my thing.
27:50
Healing your relationship with your body with food and being again it comes back to intentionality Intentional with what you want and why you’re doing it. Yeah, that’s everything and I think that so many times it’s very easy for us again, we justify we Rationalize so that’s a live it’s not what we want to do on this show that you were on It was incredible and I know that a lot of people saw you from that but there’s so much more to you than that but
28:17
If you could give us a big takeaway that you got, a big lesson that you learned from being on the show, what would it be? It was definitely for whatever reason we found last May and doing that show, I say it at the end and I mean it wholeheartedly. That is where I clicked in my brain. Finally, right? You can logically know something, but that doesn’t mean you embody it or feel it. We can be very logical creatures. My elimination did click for me. I do not have to play small.
28:48
I thought, honestly, I thought about when I first got there, you know, I’ll stay middle of the pack. I’ll stay quiet. I won’t really worry about winning challenges. As soon as we put on those bite suits for that first challenge, I was out the gate. Like it is not in me to not try to win. And I refuse to give that up to make other people more comfortable. You know, it’s so funny. Here’s a lesson for everyone. Okay. Pertaining to the show specifically, but in life, I’m tall. I’m a fast walker naturally. So everyone was always teasing me.
29:17
I was sitting, she walks so fast, she needs to be first. She’s going to be first. And so the day we had the animal challenge where I got the snake. Yeah. They didn’t tell us where to sit. They didn’t put the animals in front of us. They were already at the tables covered up. So I was walking out first, you know, hearing everybody kind of chirp and I was like, fine, I won’t sit in the first spot. I’ll go sit in the middle. Guess what I got? I picked the snake. The most terrifying thing of my life.
29:45
where they cut out 10 minutes of me hysterically having a breakdown, quite honestly, they were probably like, all right, she’s got to wrap this up because we need to get on with this challenge and I’m over here. Hyperventilating. Hyperventilating. If I had just kept being, you know what, I don’t care if I’m first, walk faster. I’m going to sit here in the front because I got here first. I would have had the little rat, I would have been fine, pretended to mouse, no big deal. Instead, because I tried to, okay, let me adjust to everyone else. Let me make them feel better.
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I’m going to sit here in the middle and I had to confront my biggest fear because of it. Wow. Yeah. So don’t capitulate to what everybody else wants for you. It’s not going to have your best intention. Now you were able to overcome the fear, which is again, is a huge testament. Yep. Not doing it again anytime soon. I’ll say that. But like you said, it doesn’t make any sense to have to sacrifice what you want for what somebody else is not willing to work for. Yeah. You’re a big reader. I know that you enjoy studying. If there is one or two people
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throughout history that you could go back with and have a conversation with anybody throughout history? Who would you love to have a conversation with that we can assume the time and language is not an issue? Such good questions. I’m going to give an answer that some people probably wouldn’t suspect. I really, because I was in fashion, right? I loved fashion. I loved modeling. I loved that industry. That’s, you know, my little girly girl stuff. I think that a really great person was Coco Chanel because she didn’t just create fashion.
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she actually created a new way for women to move throughout the world. At the time, it was a male-dominated field. So wondering how she stayed so clear in her vision when women weren’t even expected to lead. I want to learn about her legacy, her style, what it really means to build something timeless, because she’s a household name now on her own terms. Then I don’t think you can go wrong with Princess Diana, in all honesty.
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the epitome of grace in class and just learning how she handled so many eyes on her, scrutinizing her at all times and still was so philanthropy focused is really incredible, I think. Those are great answers. And it’s so true. mean, Coco Chanel, that was the 40s and 50s, I believe, where she was having to revolutionize what she wanted. So she had to be very clear about what she wanted, not what everybody else wanted. Yes. And then the same thing with Princess Di, she’s like…
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That’s why she’s immortal to us. She’s an icon. So for everybody that has this conception around you and appearances, what can you tell them that would surprise them about you? I love to help people. I want to hear your story. I want to know what makes you tick. I care. I really do. And I think I said it on the show where, you know, it my diamond dress moment because I thought I was going home. And I said, I have tried to get to know something personal about each and every one of you.
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Because I do. And I know what it feels like when other people don’t care. Because, you know, I got on Reddit. Don’t ever get on Reddit. Ever. Don’t do And someone was like, I think the fact that she’s a hard worker, like, is a bunch of crock. Like, she just skates by on her looks. And I used to kind of let that stuff get to me. But you have no idea the life that I’ve lived in this short amount of time. I’m so grateful.
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from working in the oil field. was hard labor. I wasn’t up there as an admin. I wasn’t up there in a cushy little job my dad got me. He gave me silto boots and a hard hat and tools and said, get to work. You’re paying for college somehow. And that’s what I did. I worked construction. I was a flagger standing out there for eight hours a day directing traffic. I started waitressing at 13 at my friend’s parents’ lodge, like waiting tables.
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to make so, know, 13, 14, make some money for the summer on the side. And I care about your story and your why and your hardships and how we can celebrate that together. One thing I don’t think we do enough anymore is celebrate each other’s wins. You don’t want to talk about it, right? Cause it’s bragging. You can do it in a way where people get to be excited for you. My best friends tell me what, what’s a good thing that happened to you today.
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What did you accomplish today that you wanted? Let me celebrate that with you and bring that energy out because you shouldn’t have to downplay it. You got that work promotion? Fantastic. I’m sending you a 10 minute voice memo telling you how proud I am of you right now and how much you deserve that. You worked for that. I hate it when people go, it’s not a big deal. You know, I did this really cool. I just closed my first deal, but it’s not a big deal. It’s okay. I got to focus on the next. We’re always so focused on what’s coming next. The next step.
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Celebrate right here now because you have to have gratitude for where you’re at in order to get more. can’t tell you how many people that I’ve known or I’ve worked with where they get, they work for decades to create this multi, you know, million dollar company and they get there and then they’re like, eh, it feels empty. And so what did they do? They don’t want to feel this emptiness. So they say, what’s next. But if they would have that ability to be present, to acknowledge the wins right now.
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to be president all of a sudden now, because what are they doing? They understand deeply that they should feel gratitude, but because they haven’t now they’re like, I think I should feel grateful. I’m not sure how I feel. And like you said, that’s where they’re not really connected to who they are. They’re detached from a lot of things. And again, if they’re detached from all those other things, that means they’re detached from their presence with their family, their friends, their loved ones. And they’re grinding for 18 hours a day.
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And that was the thing that identified them, right? I’m a pusher. That’s what I do. I get it done. That’s who they are. That’s our identity. It’s not. It doesn’t need to be our identity. You made your first dollar on your business. Frame it. Put it on the wall. How cool is that? That you did something to make yourself independent. That you wanted to do. That was your why. Celebrate that. I don’t care if you happy dance for five minutes. Put on your favorite song. That’s what I tell my clients. When you have a win,
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I don’t care if there’s no small wins. A win is a win. Put on your favorite song, dance around like a crazy person, scream for joy, then you could worry about the next thing. But get used to feeling that happiness and sense of achievement because you deserve that. You did that. Yeah. And if you can’t do it at a small level, you’re not going to be able to do that at big level either. That’s where that imposter syndrome comes in, right? Did I really earn this? Right. What’s next? I still have to do something else. Right.
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And what will happen is eventually there’ll be a point where you cannot grind, where you cannot push the same way you did. Or look at AI, the stuff that worked five years ago, right? That’s not going to work now. if you’re using the same method, that means you need to work 32 hours a day. Well, it doesn’t work. So now what you got. And rarely do you hear, you know, I’ll listen to these podcasts where people talk to people on their deathbeds. I wish I spent more time with my family. I wish I would have been there for this moment.
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instead of at work. And I’m not saying obviously you need to work to feed your family. If you’re doing what you’re passionate about, absolutely fantastic. But you can’t neglect the people who are there for you along the way. And that includes yourself. Because what happens when you don’t stop burning that candle at both ends and you’re sick for two weeks and you can’t perform. Right. That’s it. And then this thing you’re working your ass off for, you’re not able to do it and you’ve undone all of it because you were sick for two weeks and now you’re like, shit, I’m in the same place I was. And you know who’s there for you?
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your family, your wife, your husband, your friends, your parents taking care of you, checking on you, that company, maybe not so much, right? Especially if it’s not yours. Absolutely. When can you come back to work? Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they want to know what they can do to get you to produce. That’s not why we’re doing it. We’re here to create. We’re here for connection, community, communication and creation. We’re not here to produce and consume. And that’s all we do right now is we produce.
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And we can zoom. Scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll, scroll. That’s it. Also, I think there’s something powerful. For me, when I was injured, I couldn’t find anything to be grateful for. I know I should be grateful to be alive, but I was like, I’m paralyzed. It’s hard. Yeah. But I found gratitude and other things, meaning I was grateful that nobody else was injured. So when you can find gratitude and celebrate somebody else’s wins, now you have gratitude everywhere. So now when you look around, you have this 360 gratitude.
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No matter what it is, you’re like, well, my friend had a great day. My friend got a promotion. My friend closed their first deal. And now even though it’s not directly affecting you, you still have that chance to flex that muscle to get good at that skill set. And now when you have something that you can genuinely be grateful for, you’re not confused because if we’re disingenuous about gratitude towards ourselves, it can’t be grateful for anything else around us or for other people as well. Let’s talk about that for a second. False positivity, right? Or toxic positivity?
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There is truth to fake it till you make it, right? They say, my mom used to make me because I have RBF. I know it. I’m fine with it. Less wrinkles. I’m good. know, I would get a tone and I wouldn’t mean to, but I’d be getting irritated or I’d be getting tired or I’d be whatever. And she’d be like, smile while you’re telling me this. You need to smile because it changes your tone.
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And it’s going to, and eventually, you know, you kind of start, I start laughing because I’m like, this is ridiculous. But then you feel that joy, right? And so you can kind of let loose for a second. We do have a lot of toxic positivity where you can never acknowledge anything negative or you’re negative. You’re a bad person. No, no, no. It’s duality again, right? There’s two sides of the coin. You can acknowledge it without dwelling in it. You can’t find something to be grateful for yourself right then.
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Okay, that’s fine. You know what? Maybe something really horrible happened. You don’t have to, oh, but you know, okay, no, be upset, be irritated, be pissed off, but you can’t dwell on it. And then that is where, like you said, you find, okay, but you know what? My friend brought me flowers today. My mom called to check on me. There’s something, I don’t care if it’s you got out of bed today. Good job. If that’s the win, that’s your win. And that’s enough.
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If you have to guess like yourself and feeling gratitude, you’re not practicing gratitude. You’re practicing guilt. And that’s not what we want to do. Guilt and shame with positivity and gratitude or, know, I can’t feel, I used to hear so many people have it worse than you. Yes. And right. There’s and, and I still feel this way right now. And the best way to get through that feeling is to feel it.
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Don’t dwell on it. Feel it. Allow yourself to acknowledge, you know what? This really sucked. I can’t believe I lost that deal at work today. I’m going to be irritated. Another 10 minute voice memo to my best friend. And then she sends me one right back going, hear you, I see you, I validate you. And you’re still smart and funny and this and this and this and this and everything that doesn’t have to do with that deal because that deal is not who you are.
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And if we don’t allow the emotion to process through us, what do we do? We hold onto it and then we ruminate. gets stuck. You obsess. You get disease. You get sick. You can’t perform as well. Feel it. You know what I do? I rage scream in my car. I think that is, I did a breathless last breath work used to make me so angry. It still does because I have things that come up, right? And I’m like screaming and like breathing and crying, blah, blah, whatever. Rage screaming in my car.
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I will crank up some metal music or whatever song and just scream. And it’s great because you don’t have to worry about your neighbors hearing you, right? Like do it safely, obviously, if maybe not like going 90 down the freeway or in rush hour. But it helps because you are releasing that and you do feel better. And you don’t allow things to sit and get stuck in you. Yeah. And if stuff is stuck in us, then it’s blocking other things like opportunities to be grateful, happy, all the stuff.
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Exactly. You got to process those. It’s okay to feel negative things. It’s okay. It’s part of being human. Don’t victimize yourself. Don’t get stuck in it. Yeah. Sid, I could talk to you forever, but I want to be respectful of I know. know. Where can we send people? What would be to Instagram to learn more about your coaching, your programs, everything you have going on? Are you currently taking coaching clients? I am taking coaching clients right now. I’m very selective with it because I don’t want to burn out and I want to be able to pour into them. I am taking coaching clients right now for…
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empowerment, self-love, mind, body, spirit. We’re talking physical, we’re talking mental, we’re talking emotional well-being. So the best place to do that, my Instagram is Sydnee with two e’s. My LinkedIn also, Sydnee Falkner. You can send me the inquiry through there. My Instagram and my TikTok will take you to my website and you can fill out a questionnaire through there. If it’s not working for whatever reason, DM me. I always see them. I try to go through them at least twice a week.
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It might take me a couple of days, but I will get to it and get back to you on that. Sydney Faulkner, thank you for living courageously and giving other people permission to live big and not small. guess I had the best time doing this. Thank you so much for having me. Thank you. Thank you for listening to this episode of Acta Non Verba.
