In this week’s episode Dr. Robb Kelly, a recovery expert and author of “Daddy, Daddy Please Stop Drinking” focuses on addiction, trauma, and behavior change. Dr. Kelly discusses the role of trauma as the gateway drug to addiction and emphasizes the importance of treating the underlying causes. Listen in as we discuss his insights on neuroplasticity, the impact of learned behavior, and the steps individuals can take to initiate behavior change and mindset shift. The episode also covers topics such as self-sabotage, the power of compliments, and the importance of surrounding oneself with positive influences. Dr. Kelly shares his personal journey of overcoming addiction and homelessness and highlights the transformative power of spirituality and family support.
Today, Robb Kelly, PhD is a world-renowned addiction expert who believes in treating the problem, not the symptoms. He has worked for many years helping addicts and alcoholics to Recover their lives from the disease of addiction.
Based on his own experiences working with addicts and alcoholics over the last 20 years, combined with a PhD in psychology, and as a recovered alcoholic himself – he is a triple threat against the disease of addiction.
Dr. Kelly’s philosophy may seem unconventional and unorthodox. But, they are based on extensive research and behavior studies that he conducted over the last 20 years. He pulls the disease out of his clients and empowers them to fight their disease head on.
You can connect with Dr. Kelly via his website: robbkelly.com
Episode Transcript:
00:32
Now here’s your host, Marcus Aurelius Anderson. Acta Non Verba is a Latin phrase that means actions, not words. If you want to know what somebody truly believes, don’t listen to their words instead, observe their actions. I’m Marcus Aurelius Anderson and my guest today truly embodies that phrase. Dr. Rob Kelly, PhD, is a sought after
01:02
recovery expert who believes in treating the cause of addiction and not the symptomatology. First of all, I could just stop right there because most people won’t even address that. Dr. Kelly has appeared on such shows as The Doctors, Eye-Opening, Good Morning Texas, and Kins 5 Morning News. A frequent contributor to radio and print interviews, including The Jim Bohannon Show, Miracles of Recovery, USA Today, and he also participated in the McGlean Hospitals, which is a Harvard Medical School study.
01:30
on the stigma associated with mental illness. You can find out more about him at robkelly.com. That’s rob with two B’s, kelly.com. He wrote an incredible book called Daddy Daddy, Please Stop Drinking. Dr. Rob, I’ve been looking forward to this for a long time. Thank you so much for being here and frankly, thank you for the work that you’re doing. You’re making a huge impact on the world. All right, thank you, Marcus. It’s an honor to be here, guys, and great to see or hear you all. This is going to be an amazing show, guys.
01:58
Drop in your seatbelt. Here we go. Boom, baby. Let’s do it. Here we go. I love it. And we were talking at the very beginning with a little bit of this stuff that we were wanting to discuss, but I love this idea. Just like we said before, I said I was in chiropractic school and finding that cause is the only way that we can actually find a cure to, instead of trying to chase him, told you and putting a bandaid on something that needs much more attention to that. And you said that at the very beginning, and I love this about the gateway drug to what leads people to these addictions.
02:28
Can you tell us what that is? Yeah, I mean, most people think that we just go out there and start drinking and using. There’s a couple of things to remember and Google me guys, you know, I know I’m talking about here is alcoholics are born and drug addicts are made. OK, and most of the stuff that’s going on there is part of the neuroscience that we always teach. But all those traumas related to that. So trauma, what you think is trauma, playing crash, car accident, divorce.
02:55
That’s the outer, if you can imagine a globe. What’s in there is the stuff and people can’t differentiate between hate, poor, rich, happy, sad, know, a traumatic event, rape, you know, all that stuff. It’s all bungled into one when they come to us and that’s because misunderstood trauma. Like what is it and how does it affect me today? So we say the gateway drug is trauma. So for those guys who are alcoholic and hard drug addicts, not.
03:25
someone who abuses alcohol or likes drugs that turns into an addiction. So they both present the same trauma is the gateway drugs. Always the one that kills you at the end of the day. And that’s so profound because just like you said, if we can’t see that, there’s no way we can really get to fixing this. Like you said, we’re going to be trying to take care of the windows, but the foundation is falling apart, right? I love that. It’s so true. It’s all learned behavior.
03:51
If you grew up in a household that says you’re never going to amount to anything, you’re never going to do anything, who do you think you are? The biggest one for me from my mom was because we grew up on the project, how many times have I told you, Robert, you can’t go to school like your brother, you’re too stupid? That’s what we’re talking about. So when we ought to learn behavior, this experiment was done years ago. But what we did is we got a huge mason jar and we bought a thousand fleas from the pet store. Stay with me, guys. This is going somewhere good.
04:19
So we put them in, put the cap on, we stabbed holes in the top and we left it for three days. What happened over the next couple of minutes is very interesting. So obviously they could jump three feet, but they were only jumping to where the lid was. When we took the lid off after three days, not one flea would jump higher than where the lid was. Okay. Which is interesting. But what was more interesting, so I’m not learning behavior from family, is when they had babies in that jar, the babies won’t jump higher than where the lid was and they’d never even seen the lid.
04:49
That’s, know, you’re always supposed to do this. You can’t do that. Says who is my biggest saying. You can’t says who this way marriage is says who is making it. I don’t like these rules. You know, the rules have changed as far as I’m concerned. You could be as happy as you like. You could be as rich as you like. Whatever it is, you could be it. And I’m going to prove it to you during this program is everybody is done by fear. Everyone’s kept down by fear. Babies of all with two fears, guys, the fear of falling and the fear of lonesome.
05:19
Other fears are man-made. Wait till your father gets old. Oh my God, if you don’t pass the exam, it’s all BS is what it is because we’re only born with soon. So all the learned behavior and the enmeshment, which is depression and stuff passed down to children from especially mom is carried through. And you’re never going to go higher in the social standard than where your family thinks you deserve. And that’s not true. If you want to stay there, great. But if you want bigger things, don’t ever think for a second.
05:49
that you can’t do it because the same brain, we’re born with million dollar minds, okay? Stop hanging around 10 cent minds. The same brain for the Tony Robbins guys is the same brain you have. There’s only one difference. He knew he could do it. Why don’t you know you can do it? Same result. So powerful. And we talk about neuroplasticity. this tees that up beautifully. So some of our listeners may be in that place that you’re talking about where they have hit this ceiling of mediocrity and now they are no longer able or…
06:18
They don’t know how to get beyond that. Could you give us a couple of steps on what the beginning of that journey would look like for them? It’s all about behavior change and mindset. You ever gone to the doctor’s anywhere and let’s say you have something wrong with your shoulder, you’re not too sure, you go in, it gives you a diagnosis. You feel that pain when you come out. If you go in and come out with measles, you feel sick with measles. 20 minutes later when you’re in the waiting room, you didn’t feel that way.
06:42
So your mind controls everything. So the mind sits inside the brain. It’s not one entity, just like the eyes, a part of the brain is not connected by the optical nerve. So when the energy is made up, well, the same comes from when I make my mind up to do something, it spreads the energy into the brain and then the oral pathways, neurotransmitters pick that up. Then the hypothalamus, the basal ganglia and the amygdala take over to make stuff happen. You want to start changing from today, guys, or tomorrow? Get us tomorrow morning.
07:11
Okay, walk into the bathroom and brush your teeth with the opposite hand. Bang, automatic new neural pathways being built. You see, the problem with most people right now is you’re only operating on 60 % of your capability because you have more self-sabotaging neural pathways from learned behavior, from your environment, from friends, show me your friends, I’ll show you your future, then you have good. And the idea is, there are billions, the idea is to build these new neural pathways, change the way you think, therefore change the behavior.
07:40
And then you can see, you know, if you go down, if you go to work the same way, go a different way. If you put your pants on with right leg then left, change it. It’s silly things. Now you’re thinking different. That’s the first start, you know? And please, I can’t even stress enough. If I hang around with nine depressed people, I will become the 10. If you hang around nine successful people, you will become the 10. It’s a mirroring part of the brain. This is how we change. This is how we learn.
08:09
And once we’re moving in that direction, now’s the time while you’re growing to look at that trauma that’s keeping you in your place. time after time, Mark, people say, trauma is not that bad, I’ve dealt with that. Well, first of all, if you just said to me you’ve dealt with that, then you haven’t dealt with that because it’s still on your mind. So there was this schoolgirl in England back in the late 60s, early 70s, snatched off the side of the road. Everybody was looking for her. After about three months, nobody could find her. They thought she was dead.
08:39
Nine months later, police car in a country road picks up another car for a broken light. Search the car, stolen screwdriver. Now you’d like to go back to the house and see what else. Sure enough, there’s lawn mowers, there’s drills, there’s all this stuff. But they also noticed a box in the corner, four foot high by about 12 foot wide. And they said to the guy, we know you’ve got more stolen stuff in there. So they smashed the lock off and opened it. There was a girl that went missing nine months before. So he used to abuse her, feed her.
09:08
restroom back in the box for nine months guys, nine months. The policewoman leant over she grabbed it by the eye because she’s battered and bruised but alive. She took her police coat off and she wrapped it around this young girl. What’s the first thing she did? She got back in the box and that’s how our mind works and that’s how our trauma works because it doesn’t make any difference how hurtful, how stressful, how damaging the place is that we call our comfort zone. We will always go back
09:38
there if nothing changes psychologically. Yeah, it’s this this confirmation bias, this decision that we’re making and I’ve seen it so many times with people that we can work with where you see a person that says I’m going to try hard and they do really well. Maybe they’re naturally inclined to this thing but the minute that there’s any real adversity and it pushes them they’ll get this idea and they’ll start to build some sort of nobility around well I don’t want to be rich, all rich people are assholes, I don’t want to, I don’t need to be successful, I’m humble and now what are they doing?
10:07
They’re building this nobility around it. They’re so perpetuating it. And then like you said, now that’s as far as they evolve in that place. And again, that’s going back to trauma. Something’s happened in their life. Yes. So what happens with the basal ganglia, especially with alcoholics and trauma victims, is if you can imagine the basal ganglia, it’s our repetition strength and confirm part of the brain. But for easy sake, imagine it’s a clock, you know, and this is what we do. We get a job, we do well, we… And this could be weeks or years.
10:35
You know, we get the car, we buy the house, we have children and about 10 to the hour we self-sabotage because of the trauma and alcoholism. Alcoholics are born, the basal ganglia is always going to sabotage at 10 to. It’s just part of the thing. We get this, this, this and self-sabotage. Same with the guy you were talking about. If the self-sabotaging is not fixed because of the trauma, you will always be in that situation where you go, yeah, you know, I don’t really want it, I don’t need it.
11:03
because they’re scared to push themselves because they’ve learned behaviour and trauma. Because somewhere, if you’re sat at home guys and you’re listening to this and you think you’re in that place where you’re not going to amount to anything and you don’t think you’re going to be anybody, I want to apologise to you guys because somebody’s put that there. Period. You know, that’s the way it is. Says who? You know, get back, get that stuff sorted out with somebody who knows what they’re doing. You’ve been seeing a therapist once a week for the last five years. a guess what?
11:32
It’s not working, okay? Unless you succeed and you see him like I do once a month to just communicate with another person to take my load off. That’s great, but this is not a long-term thing, guys. This is not on the next 28. No, how about the next 10 months? How about the next three months? How about the next month? You can change this instantly by surrounding yourself with the right people and making sure that you always take the breaks off your imagination. And I don’t know about you, Marcus, but when we was kids, we used to kick a ball around the street.
12:02
It’s like, Johnny, what do want to be when you grow up? I want to be a pilot. What about you, Billy? I want to be a train driver. You know what happens in them dreams? I’ll tell you. Your family and your friends kicked it out of you. That’s what happened. You want to get that spark back. You can do quantum physics back to me up here, guys. You can do anything you want. If you want to be the best father in the world, you can do it. Take next step. You want to become a millionaire? Listen, I was homeless. OK, homeless on the streets. Lost my kids, my wife.
12:31
My youngest daughter still never seen 30 years on. Okay, to where I am now, it’s possible. So don’t tell me you can’t do it. And they used to say to me, oh, well, I can’t be president of United States. Forget your political views for a second. We have a business run, we’re in the country with no political, what? Don’t tell me you can’t do anything you want to do because it’s possible. It’s called neuroplasticity, believing in yourself and straightening the central nervous system out and revisiting your trauma and or better off.
13:01
And what I love about this is not only is your life a demonstration of this, but you’ve helped over the last 30 years, over 8,000 clients to overcome all of these things you’re discussing. 90 % of them are high profile people, either actors or athletes or CEOs or entertainers, people that you would know the names of if we were to mention them, for example. So of all those things that you saw, what was the worst piece of advice that you heard them being continually told that kept them in that kind of spiral to where they would never actually get out of
13:30
You can’t recover. You can’t recover from alcoholism, food, sex, gym. You just can’t recover. It’s the way it is. Don’t be silly. I was born with it. My dad worked in the mines, so I have to work in the mines, obviously. It’s like people are, I mean, look, I’m going to get showered at this. 90 % of people that come to us with a heroin addict started in the doctor’s office. That’s not a statement. That’s 30 years of written testament.
13:59
back in their offices, okay? So when people tell you something, even doctors, it doesn’t mean it’s right. And if someone’s offended by what you say, it doesn’t make them right. Oh, that’s offensive. No, no, no, no. You find it offensive. Not that it’s offensive. No, no, no, no. You don’t think I can do something. I can do anything I put my mind to. Mind, brain, everything will follow. You see, there’s a new set of rules today, guys. Everyone’s still working off 60s and 70s.
14:29
You can’t do this and you’re only supposed to do this. then if I could get a job and just work nine to five for the rest of my life, really? Really? I mean, that’s what you want. Great. But most people want more. But on the operating about 40 to 60 percent of our capability, not many people get there. It’s about stepping out of the comfort zone. It’s about not believing. It’s like when somebody comes to me and go, Johnny, you’re going to take on Johnny. He’s done this, he’s done this. And I go, stop right there. I’m not interested in what he’s done.
14:56
I’m interested in the way he speaks to me when I talk to him. I don’t judge anybody by past, you know? And it’s the same with people that want to break out. You’re always going to get the people, guys. I was on the project when I tried to break out, all them people tried to pull me back in again, you know? And then when I started succeeding, I wanted to hang around with them, guys. That doesn’t work because me hanging around 500 friends of mine who are still down there. One of two things going to happen. All 500 are going to come up to me or I’m going to step down.
15:26
It’s not easy. Do the math. You know, so it’s really important that we know this because people don’t know this. What me? Everybody’s born to be a leader. Don’t sit at home and tell you’re not you guys. You are listening to this or watching this for a reason. I’m talking to you who sat at home. Don’t put their own mount on anything. Says who? I absolutely agree. And for the people that are, like you said, once they try to separate themselves from mediocrity, there will be people that will try to pull them down.
15:54
And it’s so compelling because these are people they have known, loved, trust, the people that educated them, the people that taught them, the people that they grew up with. It’s going to be hard for them to break out of that. Can you explain to them why everybody wants to bring them back down and then how they can at least have that pragmatic empathy to understand that and still stand up for what the hell they want to do with them with their lives? First of all, I want to say guys that you’ll never make a hater doing better than you. Just want to put that out there. Okay.
16:21
So yeah, you’re going to get this social balance where you step away. Oh, look at him. He’s got all big-headed now. And just because he’s got a bit of money, you’ve got to step away from that, whether that be family or friends or relatives. If you want to do something special, and I don’t mean be famous. If you want to go away and start a job that sweeps the floors, but you’re earning money of your own, you need to pull away from these guys and make sure that’s a dream and hang around the guys that sweep the factory floor. Because I’ve done that. That was the best job I ever had when I come off homeless.
16:51
You know, we’re not looking down anybody here. This is an amazing job that I had. But what happens is like when I stop drinking, people want to pull me back. Oh, come the good old row. We don’t like you when you sober. Come on. Because they’re used to that behavior. I travel back on to England once, twice a year to see my daughter and granddaughter, who I’d never seen my daughter for almost 25 years. It’s a different story. But when I go back to the bars and the clubs, it’s the same old guys, same old story, drinking the same old beer.
17:20
You know, I’m going to be this one day. You’re 61 years old now, guys. You’re never going to be shit, unfortunately, because you don’t break away. So I want to say this for those guys that do want to break away. It can become a lonely journey at points. OK, but my journey was lonely because nobody believed what we were doing. The medical fraternity laughed at us and it can’t be possible 15 years ago. And yet, 10 years ago, they agreed with our neuroplasticity format. It’s going to be a time. Remember this, guys.
17:49
It’s not about you. It’s about the millions of people you’re going to help when you step away from the norm. Believe me, there’s nothing like it. And I love that idea. We were talking about Angie Manson. She has very much a similar philosophy to you in this idea and using the body and doing CrossFit and taking accountability to do those things. And her recovery rate, and I guess it would be called relapse recidivism. Like it’s amazing. Like it’s unlike anything I’ve ever seen her property.
18:14
33 acres, incredible. You’ve been out there, you’ve seen the work that she’s doing. But we have a 97 % success rate because of a few things that we do, including the family. patient’s wife doesn’t want to come on board, you won’t take the patient. When we visited them, their success rate is a 94. The nearest success rates, and me and Angie, is around 19%, over a 10-year period or more, 19%.
18:38
So we’re doing something that works and I’m passionate about this as you can tell Mark, because I will go to any lens to make sure that you will recover. In actual fact, we’re the only company in the world that offers a money back guarantee. If you relapse or do anything that you’re supposed to be doing while following our program, you’ve got to follow the program and we don’t take people on. I turned Britney Spears down for a million dollars 14 years ago in a restaurant, Camp Peeze is in Dallas, Texas when she just came from a gig.
19:07
And she was drunk and she wasn’t ready. And her father stood up, Jamie, and said, I’ll give you a million dollars, Dr. Rob, please don’t leave her. I said, she’s not ready. And I walked out. Next day, she’s in the papers shaving her head off. You see, you can’t buy our services. You’ve got to earn them, man. You’ve got to earn them. I spent enough times, Marcus, working with people that didn’t want it and put me in hospital with a nervous breakdown. I swear I’m never going to do that again. You know, so this is about living. This is about getting your life back. This is about leadership. This about
19:36
doing what’s right, this is about being strong. Men, men, come on, we love powerful women, we love leading women, but men, come on. Isn’t it time to be men again? Because if you ask any girl who’s a normal girl, do want a man to protect her? That’s you, all I’m talking about. You, stand up, let’s do stuff.
19:55
You know, let’s hold our head up high. Let’s be strong. I used to walk into a room, Marcus, not long ago. I used to walk into a room and used to walk in and go, I wonder if anybody likes me in here. Now, do know what I do? I kick the door in, in and go, who the do I like in here today? His confidence is not cockiness. Me and my wife give $150,000 every year to people in need. $150,000. Plus, that’s not including the book sales and the foundation that we have.
20:23
So I’m not sat on my high horse here guys, and do this, no. I’m told from experience, my feet will always be in the trenches. But I want to be here so I can help more people on the bigger platform. Do I have the big houses, big cars? Why wouldn’t I? I don’t buy anything, I can’t buy cash. And what’s difference between me and you guys? Nothing, nothing. Just I thought I could do it, so can you.
20:48
And I believe the reason you’re so impassioned is because you fought this battle on your own leading up to this place. Can you tell us a little bit about what that was like for you? Because especially now we have younger people that are getting on a path or older people that have been in a position and now they’re trying to get off of it and they feel lost on their path. But feeling lost on the path is part of the path. Can you tell us what your journey was like? Well, my journey was horrific because not only did I lose, I got kicked out my own house, million dollar house.
21:18
by my wife and my father and my mother, right yourself, by the way. And eventually they came home. When they took my two daughters off me, ages one and three, the one year old, I’ve never seen for 30 years, my daughter said three things to me, because I kept them overnight before they took them and I didn’t feed them or, you know, for two days, three days, I was drunk and they were, you know, and it killed him. No diapers changed, no food. Wow. Yeah. The police come and the authorities, I mean, she took mommy’s hand and she’s walking.
21:47
down the path. This is what my daughter said to me. She daddy, daddy, please get better. They walked further down. She turned around and she says, daddy, daddy, please don’t go. And they got to the big iron gate and they opened the gate and she turned around one more time. And she said, daddy, daddy, please stop drinking. And I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t do it. A week, a month later, I was sat in
22:11
the middle of Manchester, homeless, everyone had turned their back on me. My parents won’t speak to me, brother and sister disowned me, friends wouldn’t pick up the phone. People were spitting at me, throwing diapers at me that were full, taking me like trash. I’m the guy that went to Oxford. I’m the guy that played Abbey Rogue with Elton John Queen and David Bowie. I’m the guy, I was the man. And yet when I tried to tell these guys on the streets, they’d laugh at me. I said, there’s no way have you done that. You’re a drunken bum. Seven suicides. On two occasions it worked. I was dead on the side of the road and they brought me back to life.
22:41
I hated them emergency guys. hated call ambulance, went back home. I hated them guys for doing that because I didn’t want to live anymore. But there was a huge spiritual awakening I had that got me off the streets. And what you will find guys, if you’re going down that path, first of all, if you are an alcoholic, there’s a difference between abusing alcohol and alcoholism. If you want to know if you’ve got alcoholism, trace three generations back and find out who had the drink problem. If there’s nothing there.
23:09
You haven’t got the disease. It’s hereditary. Passed down from generation to generation. You cannot drink yourself into the coming an alcoholic. It’s impossible. Like turning a pickle into an onion. It’s impossible. You can’t do it. So you’re abusing alcohol if you’re in that case and there’s no alcoholism or addiction in your family. But there’s a huge difference between the both. But once you find out that you can change circumstances, once you come off the streets like me, the vision is strong. Because I swore to myself,
23:38
And God, eventually I was an atheist on the streets. I would spend the rest of my life trying to bring families back together again. Like mine was never fixed, never fixed. And helping people not only be covered from drugs and alcohol, covered from trauma, covered from cake, food, relationships, want to be a CEO, want to be a footballer. All that stuff I take them through. And I’ve got to tell you now, Marcus.
24:03
I went to Oxford University and about nine years ago, I went back to Southampton University online and got my second PhD in behavioral science. So I have a psychology. I’ve got to tell you now, 96 to 97 % of my work today is from the streets because it was like a semester at Harvard for me. You see, I don’t go into normal psychology, but the reason why, because they’ve no idea, doctors have no idea what alcoholism and addiction, they’re stunned and baffled by it, you know, but I’ve been there and done it. Let me talk to you.
24:31
Yeah, what do you know? You’ve never, yeah, check. You’ve never had your check. You’ve never been beaten and raped on the street. Check where you want to go with this because I’m going to keep checking because that’s the Harvard situation I got there. You see, if I walk into a therapist and they never suffer from alcohol addiction or childhood trauma, they’re helping you help me when I tell you that if you have a bottle of vodka behind you and I want it and I’ll stab you in the face repeatedly until I get it, they freak out when I call the police. So I’ll move on to the next one. Let’s say the same to the second pair of these.
25:00
And when the guy goes, oh yeah, oh my God, I did exactly the same, then I found my guy to work with. Because you can go to any university you want, man, without that experience, you’re not going to teach people the right way. You’re not going to get them better. You’re really not. Oh, I can hear the complaints already, Well, that’s what we want. mean, pain and discomfort, the best teachers, that’s the only way to really learn the lesson. We get punched in the face by adversity because it forces us to say, listen, are you listening? Do I have your attention? And like you said, that epiphany for you on the streets.
25:29
For me, it was that acceptance of being paralyzed from the neck down, being told I’d never walk again, flat-lying on the table, and then looking at my life at 40 and saying, how do I survive this? Like, I wanted to commit suicide, but I was paralyzed. I couldn’t do it. So if this is the case, what do I do? And for you, having that radical acceptance is what allowed you to begin that journey to pull yourself out of that. So you had that epiphany, that awakening, and then what were your steps to get out of that place?
25:57
I was taken back to a guy’s house. He found me on the streets at two o’clock in the morning in the monster factories. And I stayed with him, met somebody else at one of the AA meters I used to go to. I visit him every Wednesday night. I left, I left Eric’s house. I was sleeping on mattress on the floor, blow up mattress. I to this guy’s house every, left at six, got there for seven, stayed till eight, left at, got back home at nine. Every Wednesday for 12 weeks. And he told me, he told me great things about me.
26:24
He told me I’ve been chosen to go around. I’ve been doing this. I’ll be doing that. And I didn’t believe him because he said that the last day I was there on the 12 week, he said to me that your life’s going to change from tomorrow. And I said, I love you to bits, John, but I’m staying in a friend’s house. Nobody knows I’m there. I’m on a blow up mattress in the basement. It’s not going to happen. The next day, Derek come home from work. said, Oh my God, the guy that switched the floor in the factory has just resigned. Do you want that job? I’ll talk it later that week, it turned into a full time job.
26:52
The week after somebody gave me a little car to get to work and back because there it was on different shift work. All these amazing things started to happen. started working people who were getting well. It was just crazy. So when I got my first pay packet, I mean, you’re talking about loads of stuff here. God, we’re talking about psychology, spiritually, we’re talking about behavioural. This guy was so knowledgeable, And when I started using it like I do today, people getting well, you know, but I’ve got my first pay packet and I got, you know, got my little money there, stapled to an envelope.
27:21
I went to the gas station, bought a little teddy bear and a card and they wrote in the card, thank you John for introducing me to God. He took the composite to drink away and I went back to his house when I got there, nobody was there. He wasn’t in. In fact, he looked derelict in the place. So I was banging that hard on the door that the right hand woman came out and says, can I help you love? I said, yeah, where John’s moved to? And she said, John? said, yeah, John. Oh dear, he’s been on that house for three months that I know of. I said, okay. Obviously drunk.
27:49
Let her close the door, went to the left one. Now I’m not going to discover a harder. So he opens, big guy, what do you want? Can where John is located? Where’s he moved to? He said, John, what you talking about? To the guy next door. You can’t go in that place, it’s derelict. There’s no floor in it. You walk in, you fall downstairs. You can’t go in it. I don’t know what you’re talking about. You must be crazy. Close the door. Now I’m checking around me and I knew that I’d gone there for 12 weeks, Marcus. So I went back to the meeting because that’s where I’m going to find him.
28:18
And at the same chairman was on four months ago, he was in there. And I said, Jimmy, do you remember me? Oh my God, Rob, I remember you miserable as hell sat in the corner. I remember you. Yeah. Do you remember when John spoke and I asked him to my sponsor and I was over near the coffee machine and we had a good talk for 30 minutes. Where can I find him? And he said, what are you talking about, He was over near the coffee machine speaking to yourself for 30 minutes. Never found that one, Marcus. And that’s all the fact when I got wealthy, I sent a team, one of the best teams.
28:47
of detects this private detects it out to find him and nobody could ever find him never heard of them. I mean, we can’t trace him to this day. But that’s the stuff that I teach today. Not traditional psychology, not traditional brain spotting or NLP. It’s like this guy told me stuff to pass it to other people that’s going to work. He also told me going to be taken out of England and taken to a different country, I thought was hilarious at the time, because I hardly had one pound, nevermind 600 pounds.
29:17
But yeah, it was just crazy. It really was crazy. so you’re taking that knowledge and that experience and you’re bringing it to others. again, being with them in that place, that’s what gives them the ability to understand that this can happen. It builds a little bit of belief in them. And what people don’t understand is just that little, that little seed of hope is all they need to begin. Yeah. I mean, if you, if I tell you a lie, you might believe it. You might not. If I tell you a lie, often enough, you’re going to believe it. If I told you, like real often enough, I’m going to start to believe it.
29:47
So what happens is when, if I compliment three people a day, dopamine’s released into my brain. So what happens is if you compliment somebody, they can change their life. So I was in Dallas for 12 years before I came to San Antonio and I said to my guys in Dallas, I’m thinking of writing a book, guys. Now I’m established by now. I’m on EyeOpener, which is a national TV program going out to four or five million people a day.
30:14
I’m on there two or three times a week. Everyone knows me and recognizes me. You know what my friend said? Don’t be so stupid. You can’t write a book. You’re not an author. That’d just be great. I wouldn’t get that. So I never wrote a book. I came to San Antonio some three, four years ago. I’m hanging out with a new set of positive guys and I said, I’m thinking of writing a book. Oh my God, I would buy that book. Oh my God, that’s all. I wrote a book. That’s what seems to be the situation is when people start complimenting you, the first thing you want to do is just brush it off.
30:44
Hey Jimmy, nice t-shirt. Oh, just some of it thrown on. It’s just, it’s nothing much. Hey Johnny, you want to come to that thing on Monday? No, no, no, no, no, no. I can’t go because you know, you know, yes or no is a full enough answer, first of all. And here’s the words that you use when you’re in that position. It’s so hard to say guys, but I’m going to teach you how to say it. Thank you. That’s it. Accept them compliments. We only think we’re no one getting better because we cannot be our own yardstick.
31:12
is when people tell us, you’re amazing, you’re fantastic. When you hear that from the people that you hang around, you’re to be successful and amazing. It’s the repetition part of the brain again. It picks it up. The more you do something, stronger it gets. Then we started driving a car, Mark, because we into a little car, it like a huge 18-wheeler. We’re trying to maneuver between the traffic, parked cars, and it’s like 100 yards between both of them. So what happens with the Basel Ganglia is the more times we do that,
31:42
the more easy it becomes. Now, all of sudden we take our test, we can drive backwards down the driveway, wait to our mom, call a girlfriend, text in the wife. All at the same time, well, listen to the radio, because inserted into that basal ganglia is what happens. And that’s what happens to human beings. The more you do it, the more you’re going to ingrain into the brain that this becomes second nature. So the problem with trauma is that is ingrained into the brain. So every time you’re going to come something, what happens is a prefrontal cortex. And one of these only jobs
32:12
is to get a solution to your problem as quick as possible. But listen, guys, it doesn’t have to be the right solution. Remember that. So what happens with trauma victims who don’t think they suffer from trauma is when something like happens and you need a recall, nine out of 10 people go to the bad part of the brain, bad part of recall, and a horrible memory comes up and you back up and go, whoa, you know, I don’t think I’m going to buy that house after all. And you freak out, you know? Instead of coming to the good memories, you’re going, yeah, you can do it.
32:40
So the more good stuff we hear, the more bad stuff we get rid of through trauma work. When somebody says to you, you’re amazing, I want to do this job, you go, oh yeah, I can do that. We take people literally from the office to the Porsche 911 dealers and we get them to sit in 911s and we take them to the million dollar houses and we walk around them as if they’re their houses. So when it does happen, because it does, when you work with me, when they go to the bar in 911, now you’ve got all the money.
33:05
When you see it, the brain doesn’t go, oh, no, don’t, oh, you don’t belong here. Oh my God. The brain goes, ah, I remember this place. It’s familiar. And that’s how the brain and trauma works. And that goes back to what you were saying before, how a lot of these high performers, they won’t take a compliment or they’ll compliment everyone around them because they want to influence an impact, but they don’t have time for that shit for themselves. And sooner or later they burn out. You know,
33:33
So all big speakers that you see on stage, I’ve worked with all of those guys, apart from one or two maybe, I don’t know. I’ve worked with a bunch of them guys and they can go on stage and they can sell you everything in the world and the positive from their amazing and fantastic and everyone wants to be them and they’re earning hundreds of millions of dollars a year. But you know when they go back to the house and they sat there and the wife’s maybe away and sat in their little couch on their own, they are devastated, they are sad, they cry, you know, they drink themselves into stupas and stuff like that because…
33:59
They’re looking at everybody else, they’re motivating everybody else, but if you don’t do it, the four chemicals and the brain is not going to act like it normally does. So one of the things we tell people all the time is oxygen. Oxygen is the key. So childhood trauma is the gateway drug. Oxygen is the key. So oxygen is present. No cancer, no edit or illnesses can grow any further than they already are.
34:27
Every illness, disease, knee pain, elbow pain, headache, grows and starts in a hypoxic state. So when we get the oxygen every morning, every afternoon, every night, your health will increase. Once your health increases, we’re flushing oxygen to the brain and our city starts to perform better. Then the childhood trauma, you go, oh yeah, I need to do some work on that. Because I’m guaranteeing you clear this up and you can go as far as you want here. No matter what they say.
34:56
or everybody that come to me, including members of the government, people think they’re amazing. People think they’re superstars. People think they’re strong. know, even bodybuilders, have, you know, strong boxes, personal boxes. You won’t mess with one of those on the streets, you know, but at the end of the day, the psychological damage by years of abuse by the parents and the energy from that, that’s what you suffer because you’ve never cleared that up. So when a young girl sees dad coming home drunk,
35:24
and beating mom most nights, she gets to learn a couple of things. How does the door rattle when he opens it? Because now it’s either danger or not danger. When it comes in, where should I hide so he doesn’t hit me? What happens to that child is it grows up with them traits. So you can bet nine out of 10 times, and I get this all the time of women, they will attract the alcoholic who ends up beating them. And when they do attract the nice guy that really wants to look after them, they will self-sabotage that relationship. And the mindset behind that
35:54
As a kid, when you got stuff taken away from you and when it wasn’t there for you, when love wasn’t there, know, abandonment was rife, is the idea that I’m going to finish this deal before you finish it, because I know you’re going to finish it. So I’m going to self-sabotage it. I don’t want to go out with it. I don’t want to see you whenever they walk away. And that’s all trauma. And you’ve worked with so many different people and I know that you can’t mention any specific names, but can you give us an example that would
36:20
sort of give us a demonstration of that that you feel would be a good representation of what you’re discussing. So we got called in Hollywood, LA, and it was up an agent that I wasn’t familiar with. And he said, would you come down? We have a guy decided to go to prison or go into your care. We got this from the judge. He knows you, he knows some great work. So we said, who’s the patient? Or we can’t tell you over the phone. I don’t know too much, you know.
36:45
So anyway, we did, we got on our plane and we flew over there and we walked in the courtrooms and we sat with the attorney and several other attorneys and they bring this guy in, Shackle, and he looks like he’s been, ah, he looks horrible. He’s fallen from grace within Hollywood. He’s made some great movies in the past, but he’s he’s gone. And he always does runners in treatment centers, so they’re not gonna put him in a treatment center anymore. He’s gonna go to jail unless I can convince him.
37:13
I start off by saying this to the judge, but I can’t convince you it’s all on him. And he said to me, Dr. Keller, let me tell you, if he goes disappearing under your care, you’ll be back in his court. So I said, no, thank you, I went to walk out. But a few people stopped me and turned me around. I had my bodyguard with me, I had a couple of guys with me. So we took him, we handcuffed him, we took him to the plane, we got on the plane, we flew him home to Dallas, Texas, and then we flew him to the ranch by helicopter so nobody knew where he was.
37:42
All around you, psychological things are happening. Certain Coca-Cola cans are placed in certain areas, know, pictures of him when he used to. All these little things we find out about him. Like he used to love, like, Lego toys. So in the corner store, we’d have a Lego. We’d get somebody to build a Lego and we’d stick it in the corner. So subliminally, they’re catching all this. And now it feels like home. Oh my God, yeah, now you’re more open to being taught and being repaired apart from the trauma. Anyway, it’s 90 day program. He was two weeks away. And we’re telling him.
38:11
Listen, you never have problem with money again. They’re going to sign you. In fact, I’ll tell you what, I’m going to go as brave as to say that if you don’t become the biggest movie star ever or in the world right now, I’m going to refund all your money. Now they paid a fortune because of who he is. Security, bodyguards, cars, health, all this we had to bring in. So it cost a lot of money. the door went and the chauffeur brought it to the door. opened the door and he gave it to me. It was like an envelope, none brown envelopes, but it was really thick. And he gave it to me and said,
38:41
No one was allowed to mention his name in the house, the way. Nobody for no photographs, no singing. Nobody was allowed to mention in case anything was bugged. This is for your guy is what they say. So I took it into it, instead of front one, I gave it to him and he sat down and he pulled it. said, oh, this is crazy. He was writing to me. And he pulled it out. It was a script for a box office sensation that did about four, three or four movies off that is now classed in the top three.
39:10
and his worth, I don’t know, hundreds of millions. But he was into training, you know, he’s like an iron man, really strong, push this weight much further than I can. He’s a good guy in the end, but we love him. He calls me about once every three or four months just to check in with some joke or he’ll set me up with something, big joke by the way, he’ll set me up with something. He’ll call somebody to come up, I’ll park and check outside, no, while I’m in the driveway. I’m like, call him, I’ve got no recollection, I’ve got no paperwork on this.
39:40
Yeah. Oh, those are the best. And we talk about a lot of the things that we’re doing and we’re trying to pour into others. But oftentimes if we’re not getting something back from it, if we’re not being revitalized and recharged by the work that we do, we burn ourselves out. But even when we are doing that, sometimes we’re doing it too often. Can you tell me about the things that you’re doing to protect yourself, to keep yourself intact, whether it be motivation, self care?
40:09
because you’re operating at such a high level to so many people. I just really would love to know more about that because I’m sure it’ll help not just other listeners, but myself, frankly. So let me give you an example before I tell you that because it kind of leads into it. We had a new nurse starting in Dallas in Highland Park offices we had and a guy came in, he was suicidal. He won’t speak. You know, he kept telling the staff, I want to die, want to die. So he came in with me for an hour. When he came out, was smiling.
40:37
saying bye to all the nurses, thanking her and stuff. I didn’t hear this, but somebody did and reported to me. So we have an older nurse there, I don’t mean old in age, I she’s been with me quite a months, and a new one. And the new one says to the older one, oh my God, did you see what Dr. Kelly did? That was mind blowing. Oh my God, everything I heard about him was true. He’s absolutely amazing. The older nurse says, I know, right? Have you told him that? Oh, no, I mean he already knows, but I would never tell him.
41:06
That’s the situation we find ourselves in. So it becomes a lonely journey, even though the picture remains in, but you don’t know that, no one’s told you. So there’s a couple of things I do today. I do what’s called mirror work, standing in front of the mirror every morning, go, I love you, I love you, 10 times. It’s filling that subconscious brain all the time with new stuff, getting rid of the old, new, new, new, new, new, stuff, good stuff. And then what I do is my breath work. I do 30 big, big breaths in and out, and I do it again, lunchtime and nighttime. But I have…
41:35
downtime. I have two English Bulldogs and my wife. We have a crazy backyard. We make sure that the phones go off once a week on a Tuesday and nobody can get in touch with us. And I have a therapist. I have a guy that I see once a month and he’s not like any other therapist. He’s a down to earth like me. So he will curse at me. He will shower me for things I’m not doing something right. Or if I’m doing too much or something, I’ll just give five grand away to somebody you asked for. He will
42:05
really hold me accountable. And I love that. Because at end of the day, I’m not accountable to anyone. Who’s going to tell me? My staff are not going to tell me, my friends are not going to tell I’m always treating them to stuff. So this guy just comes on. And I limit my client. I take on four patients every three months. Four patients only. So I only work from eight until 12. And my 12 till two is my podcast time, but that’s not work. So I limit what I do. I don’t take everything on that I used to because
42:35
For me, the description of that was like, you know, your desktop guys, you you’ve the zip file that you stick everything you can’t be dealing with right now. And then one day you’re bored. Oh, oh, you click on the zip file and everything comes at you at once and it’s overload. That’s what happened to me. So seven years ago, and I don’t mind telling them, it’s probably the, might be the only podcast I’ve ever said this on because, you know, it was hard. It’s me, you know, I’m supposed to be the man kind of thing, but.
43:04
I had what’s called a breakdown. I had a nervous breakdown from unresolved trauma that I had from the past that I had not recalled. So I went into a place called The Meadows, which does childhood trauma, and I stayed at The Meadows for six weeks. We kept it quiet, obviously, but people who asked, you know, would say, I’ve gone away because I need some help, you know, myself. But it was the best thing I ever did. So I learned a couple of lessons from that, that yes, you can clear your trauma 100%. I did it right there when I was with those guys. And yes or no is a full enough answer.
43:33
I use that and then don’t be available all the time. So I have a gatekeeper today. You have to get through her. Well, it’s a couple of eyes, Janet, Courtney or, oh God, the other one, Jackie. And you only get through to me if, now I say that, I’m always giving my phone number out on shows to people that are desperate. I’ll do it this time as well. My staff hates it, but I don’t want anyone to think that I’m rich and I’ve made it and I’m okay, Jack.
44:01
screw everybody else and stuff like that. And it’s expensive going to you and all that stuff. I always keep my feet in the trenches. We give money back. So I want to tell you, reach out guys, if you’re in that situation, especially alcohol, an addict suffering from trauma or anything else and you don’t think you’re amount to anything, you never think you’re going to be worthy. You’ve been in that cycle of self-destruction. I want you to call me guys. My personal number is 214-600.
44:32
0210 as 214-600-0210. Send me a text if you’re in that place. Don’t just text at all. I love you guys, but I’m really crazy busy. will call you within the 12 hours that you send it and I will give you a 10 or 15 minute pep talk that will change your life. I guarantee it. In actual fact, let me go one step further. If I call you and I don’t change your life within 15 minutes,
45:01
I will send you $100 for wasting your time. I would rather spend 10 men 15 minutes on the phone with you than hear of your funeral next week. There’s a guy called Derek who picked me off of the street. I want to be that Derek for the rest of my life. I don’t care what I have to do to be that Derek. I am never the guy sat in front here. I’m always going to be the guy that sold his kids out for alcohol. I came downstairs one night guys, listen how crazy it got me. I came downstairs one night, two or three o’clock in the morning.
45:30
I had work that day, my head’s banging, I need a drink. I’m searching around the kitchen, I find one. I pulls it out, it’s like three quarters of a pint bottle. I’m like, yes. I put it on the counter for a second, I turn around to get a crystal glass, like 150 pound, money, crystal glass, because hey, I’m not an alcoholic. I turn around again, and my wife had snatched the bottle up the side, because she’d followed me down. And she said, Robert, I think you’ve had enough. Let’s think about it for a second. I’ve been drinking last
45:59
Two or three months non-stop. I had a meeting in the morning, board meeting. I to drive to work. What I should have said is thank you Mrs. Kelly and go back to bed. What I did is took a kitchen knife out and stabbed her three times. Fled to Spain so I wouldn’t get caught with an attempted murder charge. I’m that guy, not that guy you think I am. I’m never gonna be that guy. You’ll never see me smooching with people.
46:26
You’ll never see me on yachts during shoot. I got the opportunity 10 times a year, 15 times a year. Never going to do it. You know, I’ll be your friends and I’ll talk to you, but I’m never going to smooth. don’t do that stuff because I’m always going to be the Derek on the ground. So when you hand your hat, call out, when you call out in desperation, could you kids just been taken off you and you can’t afford my services. I want to be there. I want to be there guys for you. Putting your money where your mouth is. I love that. It’s that is actions, not words. That is octo number right there. Everybody talks about it. Everybody has this.
46:55
pontification, but they’re not actually doing the work. like you said, by putting yourself out there, what does that do? It’s just like when you’re trying to work with any person, right? If, if you’re working with somebody that really needs you, it forces you as a doctor, as a, as a coach to level up. If you’re working with people that, again, that recidivism, that, that built in job security, because you know, 80 % of them are going to come back in a few months and they’re like, Oh, I just need another vacation, so to speak. That’s not what you do. You don’t have time for that stuff in your life. Like you have to make this work. And this
47:25
Here’s the thing, the people that come to you, this may be their last chance, their last opportunity. So you don’t have the luxury of like, well, I hope this works. It’s like, no, it has to work. mean, the insurer that’s come with us, I go booking the trims now. when you, mean, there’s a handful of treatment centers that are amazing guys. You know who you are if you know who I am, you’re amazing. But you’re taking a little journey in for his fifth or sixth time into the same treatment center and the second 30 grand a month. few every time, shame on you.
47:55
shame on you. What are doing? You’re not offering a money back guarantee. You’re just taking and taking and taking. And I get it. It’s a business. Most of the people running in places, alcoholics and addicts or trauma victims or whatever it is, they’re not them guys, the businessmen without that residual turnaround. I come on, the business will have broke within a couple of months. What we found is rather than doing that and kind of guessing if they’ll stay sober, oh, and by the way, if it doesn’t work, oh, it just wasn’t ready. No, no, no. It wasn’t ready because the
48:24
crap you’re teaching him. know, all the saunas and hot tours and everything in the world won’t get you sober and clean forever. We say forever, you know, so yeah, we won’t do that. I’m ashamed of those people. don’t mix with them. Treatment centers hate me and I hate them. It’s fine. I don’t have a problem with that. See, I’m the guy that says things that other people are thinking. What are going to do to me? Walk me outside and give me a… Really? You don’t want to go down… I’m 61 but you still don’t want to go down that route, guys. Really? You don’t? Believe me, I’m still fast at my age and I…
48:53
I’m 245 pounds right now, most of it’s muscle. So don’t be messing with that. You know, who’s going to say anything? People, there’s loads of people that don’t like me, but you know something, I’ve never met a hater doing better than me yet. It’s true. And speaking of weight, you recently lost a hundred pounds. Yeah. Just over a hundred pounds now in the last 12 months. I kind of got lazy. I’ve been bodybuilding all my life, in dieting, training all my life. And I got to 59 and I said, you know something, I’m not going to diet anymore. And I put about…
49:23
I want to say I put about 80 pounds, maybe 90 pounds, real fast, McDonald’s, the cakes and all that stuff. Didn’t go to the gym. So when I was 60, a year ago next month, July, I said to myself, I want to be the best 61 year old, good lucky, fit, agile, running that I could ever be. In fact, I want to try and see if any one of the 60 year olds, 61 year old is as good shape as me. And when I go back home and see my guys, my age, sitting in wheelchairs,
49:52
sat with bare bellies, know, stuff. It’s like, I didn’t want that. I wanted something different, you know, and I keep pushing myself. what it is, I gotta keep pushing. I’ve gotta always be teachable. I can never be unteachable. Because do I know everything? Oh my goodness, no. Oh my goodness, no. You know, no, no, no. I mean, for some of the guys that are on my path, the only reason why I know more than you, because I’m older. That’s the only reason. Nothing special about me. It’s just that I’m absolutely, crucially,
50:22
aggressively interested in your life going forward. And that guy hung himself one day after two days with us. We had no signs. I didn’t sleep for about two weeks. They had to take me to the doctors and give me sleep, sleeping time, would knock me out. I cried every night. I was pissed off with everybody because somebody died on my watch. That we found some of them getting there for me. Now, that’s the guy. I’m not the guy who goes, hey, we got Tony Grant over here for three months and he only lasted a couple of days. That’s not me, man. I suffer badly with this.
50:51
I ain’t messing around with this stuff. If we take you on, you’re going to recover, you’re going to get your life back. If we don’t take you on, I’ll give you a 10, 50 minute pep talk. You can call our phone all you want, we’ll give you advice. Never going to turn you away. We have a pro bono. 25 % of our work is pro bono. There’s a big list for that. So then we start the foundation. It’s about giving back, being happy and content, having no drama or trauma in my life, despite meeting people every day that need to be in that drama place. I step away from that stuff.
51:19
you know, and I stay sane, I have a beautiful wife that looks after me. I have beautiful friends around me. And I got to tell you guys, I have everything I want and everything I need, you know, and my only job now is to work with 50,000 people before I pass away. Oh, by the way, I’m 61. Oh, I’ve come into my end of my life. I would have just started. Are you kidding me? I’m not gonna die at 67, 80. I’m gonna be, I’m gonna hit 100.
51:47
And when you’re 100, I want to help 100,000 people. I want my name to be recognized, not by who I was, because my greatest asset is my past. You can’t define me on that past. Define me what I’ve done. And all I want someone to say is, oh my God, he was a good guy. That’s all. That’s my life done on this earth. I think that you losing that hundred pounds, not only will that be a testament to what you can do with your life physically, but you and I understand that
52:16
If I’m in great shape and I walk into a room, it makes everything that I say naturally have more gravitas. You know something, I can’t believe you said that Marcus. That is so true. I had a speaker today. Oh, he was so brutal. He said like, look, you’re not going to buy anything from a person. Someone who’s overweight, someone whose heart’s struggling, he can’t breathe. It’s not going to happen guys. I said, I hate to say that, but it’s not. And I got thinking, it’s like, everything I bought off some people have been good, like bodybuilders, good shape.
52:45
runners and everything. It’s like you don’t buy the services, you don’t buy the car because you know what car you want, you buy the sales guy. And it’s so true. And everybody can lose weight, guys. know, everybody can feel better about themselves. If you’re happy being overweight, then I was it for ages. It’s fine. Don’t worry about it. It’s good. Obese, I was classed as obese. I didn’t like that title. So I did something about it. And that’s that’s the part of everything in the world. We have a seven point three second rule.
53:14
in our company. And that is if you have an idea or you have an ambition, make a move towards it within 7.3 seconds. So if I’m sat at home with the wife and I’m sat on the sofa, I’ve got a big can of popcorn, a big mug of Coke, and I say to my wife, you know something, I’m going to hit the gym tomorrow. I’m not going to hit the gym tomorrow. It’s never going to happen. But when I say that and put the stuff down, I walk to the bedroom, I get the sneakers, get the t-shirt, I get the shorts, and I put it near the front door, there’s a good chance of me going at 7.3.
53:42
second rule which you tried and tested with loads and loads of people it makes us accountable to ourselves so you literally have to say that you can do anything you want to you know look at you you know i don’t know any better testament that you can’t walk in there and you’re says who stop following the cheek guys you know you can do anything you want to do if you put your mind to it and all i want to appeal to now is look take the blinkers off man take them off
54:12
See, you these guys, and I’ve worked with all of them, remember the guys that CEO’s, big corporations, that you look up to and go, he’s on $20 million a year, but you know, he probably, they’re idiots. I’m sorry, but they’re no better than you, not me. You know, they just believe they can do it. That’s different. So if you want to do something, guys, if you want to be a manager somewhere, or you want to be a millionaire, for instance, start walking like a millionaire, start acting like a millionaire, start talking like a millionaire, you’ll become a millionaire.
54:41
They send neural pathways all the time, rebuilding all of the time before you become it. So fake it till you make it that I used to hate years ago is so true. You have to act as if you’re the leader of wherever you’re going to go. You need to command respect when you walk into a room. Get your head up, get your chest down. You know, start claiming that. I demand respect. You will not speak down to me. You will not criticize me. If you’ve got constructive criticism, sit down. I love it. Give it to me, guys. All I want.
55:10
Don’t piss me off because you don’t like what I do or you don’t like, you know, something about me. You don’t even know me. Oh, I’ve heard that Rob Kelly is it, it, it blah, blah, blah. You know, you haven’t even met you. You know, you’re talking about. It’s crazy. People’s conception. Forget that. Forget that. Listen, when, when what other people think and what other haters say to you, start paying the mortgage, then you can start listening to them. Apart from that, they’ve got nothing to say. And that’s the truth. You walk in the room and if you, and for those that are saying, oh, they’re just talking about being strong. No, we’re talking about
55:40
Resilience we’re talking about mental resilience as well, right? If I have strength and reserve if I’m strong physically I can help somebody else has fallen down if I’m financially Resolute right if I had that resilience if I have money in reserve I can literally afford to help somebody else that needs my help and then again if I had that mental resilience It gives me the capacity to let this person But whatever they say just roll off my back because it’s not a big deal. This is more about them than me I can walk away from that
56:07
I don’t have to allow myself to become a victim to their chaos in the process. Yeah, we had a house in Dallas when I first moved there three years later because I gave away everything for everything. My house was foreclosed. There was a few thousand people I’ve worked with when they went before he got foreclosed. I sent a message out to everyone and said, guys, I’ve worked with you all free and charged, but I can’t pay the mortgage this month. It’s about $1,200 or something for that month. Not one person responded. Not one person sent me a sent. Did that put me off working people? No.
56:37
Just like people are. You walk in a room and there’s nine people there or 50 people there with a smile on your face or 50 are going to smile back. You walk in out of breath with a frown on your face, most of them are going to frown back. So going back to what you said, it’s really important that we look after ourselves. You know, if you want what I have, you’re going to do what I do. You know, I can’t magically put you on this and go, OK, you’re going to be successful. That’s not an option. I can show you. It’s like being dropped in, I don’t know, Germany somewhere.
57:07
you stop, hey, Mr. Can you tell me how to get to Smith Street? And he goes, I’ve never been there. But I think if you drive up here, you take a left, like when the bus station was, was then took a right maybe and it kind of down that you’re never going to get there guys. If I stop and the guy says, oh, yeah, I’ve been there loads of times. Let me show you the way to get out of this area here to that. And it gives you precise, exact definitions and directions of how you’re going to get there. You know, you’re going to get there. It’s the same in this game and any game of life. Wherever you are in life right now, somebody’s looking.
57:38
but it’s your son, daughter, wife, friend, people that you would never even dream they’re looking up to, a dream, a looking up. This is how compliments work guys. Try this next time you’re in a built up area of people. Pick one guy or one girl, sneakers are always best. And, hey, nice sneakers man. They go, oh thank you man. And then when he walks away, turn around, he’s gonna look at his sneakers at least two to three times, because you’ve just made his day. So he’s gonna look down while he’s walking, yeah? So he goes up to the wife, because he’s in a good mood, now she’s in a good mood.
58:06
then all of sudden two hours later the mother-in-law calls and because he’s in a good mood so she’s in a good mood and the mother-in-law is like puts the phone down, just goes on and on and what’s your pay for that? Dopamine. Dopamine that you’ve just helped somebody and you have just bettered their life. Because I’ll tell you something for now guys, lean into the screen right now, if you’re not changing the world, what the hell are you doing? Every single, what are you doing? And I don’t care if you believe in God, Supreme Being, Uncle Jimmy,
58:36
They’re going to repay you for that stuff. They really are. I can agree more. Dr. Rob Kelly, where can we learn more about you? You’ve already been so magnanimous by giving us your phone number. Where can we learn about your organization, about all the stuff that you’re doing with everybody? But like I said, at the beginning, spell 2B is no E. R-O-B-B-K-L-L-Y dot com is the website. Jump on any search engine in the world and put Dr. Rob R-O-B-B Kelly.
59:02
And all my stuff will come up. If you get on the website, there’s a book there called Daddy Daddy, Please Stop Drinking. Now, I mention it quickly. I don’t push my book because we don’t take any money off it. That’s the one that goes back into. So every nine dollars you spend on the book, the nine dollars, it’s not after, you know, expenses like the nine dollars goes straight out to the people out there in need. If you don’t like the book, message me. We’ll send you a full refund. Keep the book and pass it on to somebody that you know.
59:29
going out for unfrienders, say hi, do whatever you need to do, but always know, especially relatives or wives of alcoholics or depression, that if you call our office, we’ll spend all day, every day for the next 20 years talking to you and giving you advice. There’s never a charge for that. We just want our family to help your family. Because I’ve got, four years ago, my daughter got very touched with me, and you know, on messaging. And she now works
59:59
me in my Manchester office of my lead therapist. My sister works for me, my brother-in-law works for me. My wife works for us, know, and Courtney works for us. She’s classed as family. I mean, we’re just a family, you know, business trying to help a family. That’s all we are. Your work has changed the world, Doctor. I cannot thank you enough for the time, for your body of work and keep doing what you’re doing, stay in the trenches and keep pushing. Dr. Rob Kelly, everyone, please follow him. Please follow him on social, go to his website, get his book.
01:00:29
This man’s work is what everybody claims to be doing and he’s doing it every day because he’s putting in the work. He’s about actions and not words. Thanks, Marcus. Great to see you all, Great to see you. Thank you for listening to this episode of Acta Non Verba.
